Costly Trade Off

I have a dream, which is to study astronomy.

I was forced to take an alternative, to study engineering, because astronomy won't feed me well.
Now I have the money to fund my own studies, it would cost me something else to enter the school of astronomy -- a life.

You see, as you work, you will not be able to study full time. But in Malaysia, even part time almost impossible. It is also a place where the education system sucks big times. So even if I have the money, and there were astronomy courses in the universities there, I wouldn't invest myself into it -- I have already wasted 10 years in my life compensating a compromised I made 10 years ago. I don't want to make a compromisation again on things that I like now, especially when I have to use my own money to pay for it.

If I were to choose chasing for my dreams, I would have to leave Malaysia. That would also mean, high chance I won't go back, because I couldn't get a job when I returned with astronomy degree. That would mean, I would need to break up my 10 years relationship, and separate from my family.

The consequence of this, would be, I would end up alone for the rest of my life, got an astronomy degree (provided I could graduate), and work in some real nerdy and geeky working environment that has limited contact with human being, with a content feeling in my heart. I could see my dead body rot away in a shabby old apartment for weeks until someone called the management and complain about the foul smell.

If I don't do that, I would continue learning 101 different things, trying to fill up the empty hole in my heart for astronomy, got married and have kids, continue to curse the government, education and traffic in Malaysia, and let regrets and frustrations suck my life out of me. I could see myself growing into a naggy, demanding and frustrating old lady, that no one would like to spend time with.

Both have goods and bads. Either way, I would be left alone. Wouldn't it make more sense if I at least have my dreams with me?