I will be going to Kuantan together with three other colleagues on Monday.
I did not know where is Kuantan until my boss offered to pick me up along the way, instead of having me meeting up in the office.
But well, after gathering the information, it seems that we all have to meet at the office anyway. Nonetheless, at least I know where is Kuantan now.
I foresee a rather quiet and boring journey, cause my boss doesn't speak much outside work.
We will be there to visit an old job site, we heard that some of the infrastructures on the site are about to collapse, and needed some serious revamp... I wonder...
Friday, March 13, 2009
The touch of nostalgic wind, and the hue of the long missed surrounding
As I walked out the house this morning, a gentle wind blowed at me. That wind, I experienced it a lot when I was going out in the morning during my secondary school. It is soft, rather warm with the right temperature, touch of freshness, with the smell of salt and soil and the scent of the water washed mango tree leaves... it has the scent of rain.
It brought me back to my teenage years, when I was running out of the house under the pouring rain. Whole body wet, waiting for the bus to come in the bus stop.
Those years... all brought back by this nostalgic wind.
As I arrived to the office just now, I was surfing the net before starting to work in 30 mins time. I saw some pictures taken in the UK recently by others.
The hue in the picture, shows the always gloomy days in the North. The sunshine there is always insufficient, no matter what time you get up, there is always a hue in whatever comes before your eyes. Even those pictures with sunshines, it always seems more disperse.
I can practically feel the chill on my face watching those pictures, the warmth of wrapping myself under the jacket and scarf, the cold on my earlobes, the scent of the tar under this kind of weather, the sound when walking on the road under this kind of weather.
I miss those days living in the hue, no wonder I always felt like living in the dream when I was there, that I have always been feeling fear to wake up from it.
It brought me back to my teenage years, when I was running out of the house under the pouring rain. Whole body wet, waiting for the bus to come in the bus stop.
Those years... all brought back by this nostalgic wind.
As I arrived to the office just now, I was surfing the net before starting to work in 30 mins time. I saw some pictures taken in the UK recently by others.
The hue in the picture, shows the always gloomy days in the North. The sunshine there is always insufficient, no matter what time you get up, there is always a hue in whatever comes before your eyes. Even those pictures with sunshines, it always seems more disperse.
I can practically feel the chill on my face watching those pictures, the warmth of wrapping myself under the jacket and scarf, the cold on my earlobes, the scent of the tar under this kind of weather, the sound when walking on the road under this kind of weather.
I miss those days living in the hue, no wonder I always felt like living in the dream when I was there, that I have always been feeling fear to wake up from it.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Mr. Paramount
This to certain extend has some connection with my previous post, regarding me pointing out Mr. Paramount manipulating the computation results... I think.
There was this handover meeting last week, chaired by Mr. Paramount, on project P, right after the day when I argued with him on the matter mentioned above.
Mr. Paramount was trying to vent his anger on me, by interupting every single word that I said. Unfortunately, this is also a usual thing to do for Mr. Bell. So eventually, I couldn't speak what I needed over the meeting, so I made clarifications after the meeting via email to everyone regarding the discussed matters. Nonetheless, I was ignored by Paramount, and was shot by Mr. Bell for no reasons.
First of all, Mr. Paramount did not compile any information for the meeting, but throw every emails, unrelated paperworks onto the public server and asked us to find what we need there, not to mention his naming system was horrible. On top of that, he pushes his responsibilities away, by indicating that it is the engineering department's job to interpret what he has sold to the customer -- which is totally wrong. In fact, he should let us know what he has sold, and agreed with the customer, before handing it over for people like us to try figuring a way to build it.
Anyway, the meeting went down the drain, Mr. Bell was unhappy with the outcome, cause as a project director, he couldn't proceed with the information that was given by Mr. Paramount. So when my boss came into the office earlier this week, Mr. Bell called for another meeting.
This time, with the Managing Director (MD) sits in. The handover was again rubbish, as Mr. Paramount was unable to compile useful information for various departments. Mr. Paramount again tried to focus onto me, saying that I did not read through the files he uploaded onto the server. I did not fight back, as I had seriously went through every single files in order to salvage some useful, yet confusing information from the public server. Eventually the discussion lead to those confusing information, the MD questioned me if I have gone through those files. I said I have gone through every single one, and most of those are payment terms and conditions... before I was able to continue saying what I have found, Mr. Paramount interupted and said "Those payment terms has nothing to do with you, you shouldn't read that."
Oh well, I guess it goes without explantion that Mr. Paramount's filing system is useless, and my claims on the files are mostly irrelevant was validated.
My boss insisted that Mr. Paramount lists out clearly the job scope for every department, and adjourn the meeting yesterday. MD wasn't happy with the outcome of the meeting due to Mr. Paramount's lack of preparation, so he asked Ir. Decamouth to help him. (Note: Ir. Decamouth is good with Mr. Bell, and both of them dislike Mr. Paramount)
So, the meeting is held again, yesterday... Mr. Paramount again didn't do much improvements, and taking every querries from engineering (mainly my boss) personally. To quote a few of his words:
"You all are wasting my time here, I have committed myself to achieve 5 million sales this year, and I don't have time to waste with you all. If I can't achieve it, I will be sacked, and not only me... those people that working under me will be sacked too. You want to bear the responsibilities?"
"Why should I do all these for you? You should advise me what is feasible to be done!" (We engineering has done with the advise stage, but we needed his confirmation on what we have advised -- i.e. is the customer ok with the advise? He simply didn't get it.)
Eventually, Mr. Paramount went out of the meeting room and called MD in. Our MD was mad once found out the reasons behind the conflict, he F*** everyone before going into the details. Mr. Paramount was shocked, as he thought MD would stood by his side.
Furthermore, as the MD was trying to understand the reasons for their disagreement, Mr. Paramount told lies to the MD blatantly in front of all of us and claimed credits for things that he has never done. Well, when it comes to taking credits, Decamouth is never behind. Ir. Decamouth was acting along with Paramount of course. The scenario was like a fox trying to steal a few bites of the fresh kill under the mouth of the lions.
So, the meeting was unsuccessful again... and we all agreed that engineering will review Mr. Paramount's information and get back to him (though we do not have any information to review) tomorrow afternoon.
The peak of the meeting series was when the MD came in, and scolded everyone in the meeting room. Everyone outside the meeting room could hear the voice.
We have now done with the "review", basically writing instructions to Mr. Paramount on how to fill in the handover forms that he has been refusing to do. I hope the meeting tomorrow will go smoothly.
The thing I learned over these meetings -- Well, at first I thought Paramount was mad at me, that's why he kept interupting me when I talked. But after seeing what he has done to my boss, I think it is not me, but his way of communicating is having the problem. I think I need to further analyse his attitude before able to find out an effective way to communicate with him in the future.
Also, I have found quite some similarities between Decamouth and Paramount -- both of them like to show off their importance by telling people how much jobs they have in hand that awaits them to finish.
There was this handover meeting last week, chaired by Mr. Paramount, on project P, right after the day when I argued with him on the matter mentioned above.
Mr. Paramount was trying to vent his anger on me, by interupting every single word that I said. Unfortunately, this is also a usual thing to do for Mr. Bell. So eventually, I couldn't speak what I needed over the meeting, so I made clarifications after the meeting via email to everyone regarding the discussed matters. Nonetheless, I was ignored by Paramount, and was shot by Mr. Bell for no reasons.
First of all, Mr. Paramount did not compile any information for the meeting, but throw every emails, unrelated paperworks onto the public server and asked us to find what we need there, not to mention his naming system was horrible. On top of that, he pushes his responsibilities away, by indicating that it is the engineering department's job to interpret what he has sold to the customer -- which is totally wrong. In fact, he should let us know what he has sold, and agreed with the customer, before handing it over for people like us to try figuring a way to build it.
Anyway, the meeting went down the drain, Mr. Bell was unhappy with the outcome, cause as a project director, he couldn't proceed with the information that was given by Mr. Paramount. So when my boss came into the office earlier this week, Mr. Bell called for another meeting.
This time, with the Managing Director (MD) sits in. The handover was again rubbish, as Mr. Paramount was unable to compile useful information for various departments. Mr. Paramount again tried to focus onto me, saying that I did not read through the files he uploaded onto the server. I did not fight back, as I had seriously went through every single files in order to salvage some useful, yet confusing information from the public server. Eventually the discussion lead to those confusing information, the MD questioned me if I have gone through those files. I said I have gone through every single one, and most of those are payment terms and conditions... before I was able to continue saying what I have found, Mr. Paramount interupted and said "Those payment terms has nothing to do with you, you shouldn't read that."
Oh well, I guess it goes without explantion that Mr. Paramount's filing system is useless, and my claims on the files are mostly irrelevant was validated.
My boss insisted that Mr. Paramount lists out clearly the job scope for every department, and adjourn the meeting yesterday. MD wasn't happy with the outcome of the meeting due to Mr. Paramount's lack of preparation, so he asked Ir. Decamouth to help him. (Note: Ir. Decamouth is good with Mr. Bell, and both of them dislike Mr. Paramount)
So, the meeting is held again, yesterday... Mr. Paramount again didn't do much improvements, and taking every querries from engineering (mainly my boss) personally. To quote a few of his words:
"You all are wasting my time here, I have committed myself to achieve 5 million sales this year, and I don't have time to waste with you all. If I can't achieve it, I will be sacked, and not only me... those people that working under me will be sacked too. You want to bear the responsibilities?"
"Why should I do all these for you? You should advise me what is feasible to be done!" (We engineering has done with the advise stage, but we needed his confirmation on what we have advised -- i.e. is the customer ok with the advise? He simply didn't get it.)
Eventually, Mr. Paramount went out of the meeting room and called MD in. Our MD was mad once found out the reasons behind the conflict, he F*** everyone before going into the details. Mr. Paramount was shocked, as he thought MD would stood by his side.
Furthermore, as the MD was trying to understand the reasons for their disagreement, Mr. Paramount told lies to the MD blatantly in front of all of us and claimed credits for things that he has never done. Well, when it comes to taking credits, Decamouth is never behind. Ir. Decamouth was acting along with Paramount of course. The scenario was like a fox trying to steal a few bites of the fresh kill under the mouth of the lions.
So, the meeting was unsuccessful again... and we all agreed that engineering will review Mr. Paramount's information and get back to him (though we do not have any information to review) tomorrow afternoon.
The peak of the meeting series was when the MD came in, and scolded everyone in the meeting room. Everyone outside the meeting room could hear the voice.
We have now done with the "review", basically writing instructions to Mr. Paramount on how to fill in the handover forms that he has been refusing to do. I hope the meeting tomorrow will go smoothly.
The thing I learned over these meetings -- Well, at first I thought Paramount was mad at me, that's why he kept interupting me when I talked. But after seeing what he has done to my boss, I think it is not me, but his way of communicating is having the problem. I think I need to further analyse his attitude before able to find out an effective way to communicate with him in the future.
Also, I have found quite some similarities between Decamouth and Paramount -- both of them like to show off their importance by telling people how much jobs they have in hand that awaits them to finish.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Bought my first violin
So, after the first lesson on Sunday, I went out to search for a violin on Monday, the public holiday.The teacher has taught us some basic knowledge of how to choose a violin:
- The violin body must be all glued intact, the bridge must be straight, the strings must be smooth, and the violin must not be too heavy.
- The bow must be straight when viewed from the tip. The end screw must be functioning, and the hair must be smooth and flat.
- For beginners, just get a common China machine made violin, with price range between RM250 - RM500. Adults are recommended to use full size (4/4) violin.
Three shops were visited, and I found one in the least likely music shop which sells mainly guitars, in MidValley. Compare to the second shop, the first shop was pretty good actually, but I wasn't satisfied with the bow hair, cause it has some lumpy feel on it, and it was the last one they have in stock. It is the cheapest deal of all three shops, they offer RM200 ++.
The second shop was trying to sell me the more expensive one, which costs about RM800. Their cheaper ones are nearly RM300, which was worse than the first shop -- a large portion of the bow hair was glued together, and the bows they have in stock weren't straight.
The third shop was a guitar shop, I thought they wouldn't have one, but to my surprise, they do keep some stocks. Their violins are in pretty good condition, the bow was straight, the hair was reasonably smooth and straight. The sales person was friendly. It costs me RM450 for the violin with a tuner cum metrometer.
I tried to hold the violin with my chin and shoulder last night... ended up having bruises on my jaw and collarbone today. The teacher said we must at least be able to hold the violin with just the shoulder and chin for up to 3 minutes, while still being able to talk and do things with both hands, before we can start playing it.
I can hardly make it more than 30 seconds, that's with my teeth grinding and neck stiffening...
I think my passion may not be enough to carry me down the road, so I must have more determination...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
My first violin lesson
I called up this charity organisation center on Friday afternoon, asking the violin course advert on their website is still recruiting students. They said yes, it will start on Sunday and I registered myself over the phone.
Today is my first violin lesson, there are 9 of us in the class, age spanning from around 60 years old to 13 years old. Surprisingly, there are two rather tardy guys, they were late, they didn't look like those who will be interested in violin -- sun-grilled skin, dirty finger nails, wearing shorts and slippers, messy hair. But well, you never know... never judge the book my its cover.
The teacher is a very young guy, tall and very soft spoken.
The first lesson was to introduce us to the brief music history, from Baroque period to the Romantic period. A lot of long-curly-white hair, and rather meaty fellas were shown in the slides, I don't recognise any of them... only some of the musics.
None of us has a violin yet, so we need to get one before the next lesson. I am starting to realise the difficulty of this journey... I hope I can endure it, cause I tried picking up guitar before in UK, but didn't manage to pull a tune.
So, here's my current situation, pardon my bad sketch... I did it within 5 mins. (Well, not to say the sketch will get better if I had had spent more time on it...)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Sudoku
There are a few people who spent their remaining lunch time doing sudoku in my office. I have been among those who stood around these people to watch, and sometimes giving suggestions.
However, I have soon been influenced, and have started doing sudoku. I am getting the hang of it now...
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On an other note, I am dying while trying to stay alive.
There are too many constraints to express oneself, eventhough you are doing the right thing; eventhough you are being bullied. This is a country where there is no rules and regulations, relationship with others is the only thing that leads, though often misleading.
I am only expected to live like a brainless and emotionless doll that shows only the smile which pleases everybody.
I am starting to wonder why am I coming back here... who cares? No one.
However, I have soon been influenced, and have started doing sudoku. I am getting the hang of it now...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
On an other note, I am dying while trying to stay alive.
There are too many constraints to express oneself, eventhough you are doing the right thing; eventhough you are being bullied. This is a country where there is no rules and regulations, relationship with others is the only thing that leads, though often misleading.
I am only expected to live like a brainless and emotionless doll that shows only the smile which pleases everybody.
I am starting to wonder why am I coming back here... who cares? No one.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Stupidity is treatable; idiocy is beyond help
Today, first day of the week, I have it by offending three people.
First is Mr. Woodchild, he came into the office unusually early, and came straight to my desk, asked me to give him the source of where I got that powerpoint file, with a condescending tone.
So I sent the source, and indicated that his SMS allegation was inappropriate, as the file is not a personal file. And because I think being alleged twice on the same issue is more than just a plain miscommunication, I also BCC that email to our HR (the first time he accused me, I did not recorded it here). He then fight back saying that I am being too sensitive, and he did not do that, asked me not to get mad at him.
I held on to the principle, and the whole conversation go on and on about him not admitting his mistake, and I held onto my principle. The HR called him regarding this matter, and he eventually said that he is clear about what I said with a very reluctant tone, and ended it with a comment that "You women are so troublesome, I thought you are not a woman."
I intended to just let it pass, until he said that last sentence, "Well, if I weren't a woman, you are no man either." And I decided to walk away from that mad dog Mr. Woodchild.
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The day continues and the second people is Ir. Decamouth.
Ir. Decamouth did not jot down a single word when I was explaning the design of this new job (Project T) on Friday. All the technical explanations gone down to the drain, he did not clarify it with the customer regarding our deviation of the specifications. The customer came back with a list of questions, and this was what Decamouth talked to me:
"Vinegar, the Japanese is coming back with tones of technical questions."
me, "emmhmm?"
"Well, I need you to clarify it with them, and explain to them why we does it this way."
me, "I have explained to you on Friday."
"Yeah, but I want something more formal in written." <-- this is practically saying "you should do my job for me. While I take all the credits by sending that email as my own, and you have to bear all the responsibilities if it turns out badly."
First is Mr. Woodchild, he came into the office unusually early, and came straight to my desk, asked me to give him the source of where I got that powerpoint file, with a condescending tone.
So I sent the source, and indicated that his SMS allegation was inappropriate, as the file is not a personal file. And because I think being alleged twice on the same issue is more than just a plain miscommunication, I also BCC that email to our HR (the first time he accused me, I did not recorded it here). He then fight back saying that I am being too sensitive, and he did not do that, asked me not to get mad at him.
I held on to the principle, and the whole conversation go on and on about him not admitting his mistake, and I held onto my principle. The HR called him regarding this matter, and he eventually said that he is clear about what I said with a very reluctant tone, and ended it with a comment that "You women are so troublesome, I thought you are not a woman."
I intended to just let it pass, until he said that last sentence, "Well, if I weren't a woman, you are no man either." And I decided to walk away from that mad dog Mr. Woodchild.
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The day continues and the second people is Ir. Decamouth.
Ir. Decamouth did not jot down a single word when I was explaning the design of this new job (Project T) on Friday. All the technical explanations gone down to the drain, he did not clarify it with the customer regarding our deviation of the specifications. The customer came back with a list of questions, and this was what Decamouth talked to me:
"Vinegar, the Japanese is coming back with tones of technical questions."
me, "emmhmm?"
"Well, I need you to clarify it with them, and explain to them why we does it this way."
me, "I have explained to you on Friday."
"Yeah, but I want something more formal in written." <-- this is practically saying "you should do my job for me. While I take all the credits by sending that email as my own, and you have to bear all the responsibilities if it turns out badly."
So my reply: "Well, you can draft it and I don't mind checking it for you."
Decamouth hung up, no, he slammed the phone.
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Third incident also involves Project T. As project T is only at its quotation stage, the sales team are working on it. Our head of sales Mr. Paramount is in charged of it while Decamouth was doing the proposal for him. The story with Mr. Paramount starts on Friday, when I was interacting with Decamouth regarding the calculations of this Project T.
Ir. Decamouth passed me a set of computer calculation printout, with obvious modification made on the print out. Decamouth wanted me to explain to the customer regarding the difference between my current calculation and that print out (which was done before I joinned this company).
The print out was more than being modified, it was altered, and it is now just a make-up piece of information. I could not duplicate the results shown in that printout! The person who changed the printout, did not change the name of the person who done the calculation -- this means, my boss who made the calculation, has to bear the responsibilities and consequences of those infidel results!
Decamouth indicated that the printout was given to him by Mr. Paramount, I suggested him to obtain a full picture of that print out from Paramount, while I continue working on the calculation based on the latest information he gave me.
Decamouth wrote an email questioning Paramount, Paramount shot at me by saying that I did not do my job, and pushes the responsibilities to Engineering department. I found that rather ironic, the person who puts my boss under the risk of his illegal alteration of the computation printout, is claiming that we are wrong.
I wrote a reply to him today, by stating the fact that I have found out from that print out, and informed him that the latest calculation was done and submitted to the customer. The previous calculation has now been superseded.
Paramount was unhappy of that email, picked a fight with me, claiming that I do not know how to do my job. I told him that the alteration of the technical calculation is as serious as altering the bank statement of one's account. It shows infidelity of the results, and it deletes all the traces for future references. At the same time, he is putting my boss under the risk of that inaccurate, worse still non-achievable results.
He insisted that I do not know how to do my job properly, that I am making things big to scare him, and he knows his job better than I am, and he just wanted to make the results presentable to the customer. I then suggested him to do a separate sales report to the customer based on the original printout, rather than altering it. He then said that those alterations were valid, as it was recommended by my boss. I then challenged him to have this discussion together with me and my boss, and we will try to sort out this misunderstanding. Paramount shuts up.
Later in the afternoon, there was a handover meeting chaired by Paramount, it is Project R. Paramount was picking at me throughout the meeting, whenever I was trying to clarify things. I was not given a chance to speak out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do not know if this is the right way of voicing out my opinions and carrying out my principles. It has been a long while since I last voice out my thoughts so openly. To be frank, I am very scared, that Decamouth, Woodchild and Paramount will take their revenge.
I may not have done the right thing in the right way, but I guess this is a big step for me -- to be able to do voice out. I will continue to improve myself to be more politically correct, and saying things in a more tactful way.
Decamouth indicated that the printout was given to him by Mr. Paramount, I suggested him to obtain a full picture of that print out from Paramount, while I continue working on the calculation based on the latest information he gave me.
Decamouth wrote an email questioning Paramount, Paramount shot at me by saying that I did not do my job, and pushes the responsibilities to Engineering department. I found that rather ironic, the person who puts my boss under the risk of his illegal alteration of the computation printout, is claiming that we are wrong.
I wrote a reply to him today, by stating the fact that I have found out from that print out, and informed him that the latest calculation was done and submitted to the customer. The previous calculation has now been superseded.
Paramount was unhappy of that email, picked a fight with me, claiming that I do not know how to do my job. I told him that the alteration of the technical calculation is as serious as altering the bank statement of one's account. It shows infidelity of the results, and it deletes all the traces for future references. At the same time, he is putting my boss under the risk of that inaccurate, worse still non-achievable results.
He insisted that I do not know how to do my job properly, that I am making things big to scare him, and he knows his job better than I am, and he just wanted to make the results presentable to the customer. I then suggested him to do a separate sales report to the customer based on the original printout, rather than altering it. He then said that those alterations were valid, as it was recommended by my boss. I then challenged him to have this discussion together with me and my boss, and we will try to sort out this misunderstanding. Paramount shuts up.
Later in the afternoon, there was a handover meeting chaired by Paramount, it is Project R. Paramount was picking at me throughout the meeting, whenever I was trying to clarify things. I was not given a chance to speak out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do not know if this is the right way of voicing out my opinions and carrying out my principles. It has been a long while since I last voice out my thoughts so openly. To be frank, I am very scared, that Decamouth, Woodchild and Paramount will take their revenge.
I may not have done the right thing in the right way, but I guess this is a big step for me -- to be able to do voice out. I will continue to improve myself to be more politically correct, and saying things in a more tactful way.
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