Seeing Through The Acts

Wonder why I am troubled coming home?
That's because it is the loneliest place in the whole world.
I am closest to my loved ones, but I can't get to them. It is worse than being far and can't get to.
I do not have many friends with me, cause I can't seem to show my emotions and thoughts honestly. Cause I understand very well what fair-weather-friends means. Everyone is fair-weathered, that includes myself.

I can't show people that I am happy about my chance to be sent to USA for training for 1-2 years. Because 2/3 of the company were fired away, I need to take care of their feelings.

I can't show people that I may be a threat to them, cause I don't want to be isolated.

I tried to manipulate situations, but the more I do it, the more I fear to be seen through.

Nonetheless, I troubled coming home, cause it is the most scary place in the world, as I couldn't hide anything, yet couldn't share anything. The worst part I guess, is because everyone in this place is lonely, it is like the deep jungle in Borneo island, it is so damp, no sun can penetrate through, only rains can shoot through those thick layers of leaves, only lonely moss just grows everywhere.

What do people do when everyone gets lonely? Mosses grow on top of each other, people just stab on others in order to get some excitement out of the life. How dare you be honest and open!

I am listening to Canon D major now, I don't know how others liked or thought about this song; it somehow gave me a feeling of watching the fireworks -- so beautiful yet lonely. It is similar to when someone is hurt badly and tears and emotions exploded out, the chaos made the lonely zombie-like lives pretty.

Every played Resident Evil? I am living in one, the office is filled with half-dead zombies, and I am becoming one.