Communicating with Power and Influence for Women

Attended a training, named communicating with power and influence for women.

Few useful notes:

1. Do not say sorry for no reason.
e.g. When someone spilled their coffee, you said "Oh, I am sorry." Unless you are the one that is responsible for that, don't say it.

2. Don't use "I have an idea...". It sounds weak. Replace it with solution/plan/answer etc. Of course, when you said that, you better mean it. Don't say you have a solution, when you don't.

3. Don't use "I" so much, unless you are the subject.
e.g. I have a problem with my employee, who rarely arrives at work on time
Replace it with: My employee have a problem. He/she rarely arrives at work on time.

e.g. I need this report done by Friday.
Replace it with: This report needs to be done by Friday.

4. Try not to say "May be I am the only one that thinks...", "Correct me if I am wrong..."
It is a two sided blade, depends on how you use it.
If you are already powerful, saying it would make people feel that you are more humane.
If you already feels like a sub-ordinate when talking to people same level as you, you don't need to lower yourself down further. If you are wrong, people will correct you anyway.

5. Claim your ideas.
e.g. before meeting, prepare some handouts, with your name and date. Bring them to the meeting.
after the meeting, send a follow up and memos.

6. Speak out for yourself, don't wait for others to ask for your opinion. Don't wait for chances to express, but look for chances to express.

7. Try not to say "Are you busy?", "Can I borrow you for a minute?"
Chances is, things you wanted that person's help, is never a 1 minute task.
Also, if you are a boss, what do you expect the person answers you? "No, I am free.", or "Yes, I am busy?" both sounds wrong... It is as good as you asking your husband "Do you think I am fat?" either way, he will be punished.

So, replace it by something more definitive: "Is this a good time to talk? I could use your ___ minutes."
When people have a better expectation of how much time and attention is needed, they will be more prepared to listen to you, without feeling cheated.
Think of it when someone asked for your 1 minute's time, but it took your entire hour to accomplished the task. How woud you feel?

8. When dealing with difficult people, don't let your emotion take control of you. When you feel that you are getting emotional, try to focus on something else, like doing a math in your mind. Yes, we all know that... but how are we going to practise engage listening? Well, the truth is, when we are emotionally attached, we aren't listening anyway. So it is alright to lose your focus for a while. Besides, difficult people are difficult, because they know they get what they want by being difficult. They also know that once you lose control, they will have an upper hand. So their target is to make you lose control, they won't leave you without defeating you.
So, it is ok to take some time to relax your mind, since this difficult person will not leave in no time.

In general, I feel that most of these things describes how guys communicate. But it does make things less personal and more transparent. There might be bumps along the way, before I got better with communications, but I got to keep practising. Shoot first, worry later.