From the day I sold my car, canceled my insurance, bank accounts, drove the rental car to returned the rental car...
From the day I started having farewell lunches with every group, to attended the annual dinner on my last day of work...
From the day I had exit interview, to distributed thank you notes and said good bye to everyone...
From the day I spoke to the shipping agent, packed stuff at home, until the moving agent came by to pick up the goods...
It didn't occur to me that I am leaving so soon, until my shipments were collected, until I returned my car. The apartment suddenly seems so empty and impersonal again.
I am feeling very sad to leave Kansas. I have met a lot of amazing people here, and learned a lot from them. I also felt more comfortable in my own skin here, and I managed to have some good night sleep here.
I am feeling very anxious about going back to Malaysia, because I will face those stupid nonsense office politics there, and losing my freedom and sleep at home.
Nonetheless, the moment has come. Things that happened over the past 10 months cannot be repeated again. Even if it were repeated, it would never turn out the same anymore.
Though I felt that I am still desperately trying to hold on to every chance to learn and absorb everything from everyone. But it is time for me to let go. It is a good time for me to go back to the office and re-establish my image in front of those office bullies. It is time for me to apply what I have learned in Kansas.
I may stumble and fall, I may be hurt, but I must walk this path to be more mature in managing myself and handling situations. It will be a fruitful year of rabbit.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
A Gift from USA
Got a cute gift from the group I worked with over the past 10 months.
I guess since Valentine's day is around the corner, there isn't much choice for gift. It is a bear wearing red jumper that has a heart on it, and it carries a bag of heart shaped Godiva chocolates.
I distributed the chocolates to everyone in the group, and carried the bear back home.
Also, I made a snow angel with my colleague from the other group, at the end of the last day of work.
The one on the right is me. My colleague is bald and he didn't wear a hat, so his one is kinda like a headless angel...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Last day at work
Spent the night before the last day of work finishing all the thank you notes to people I worked with. Spent three quarter of the last day distributing the cards.
Some come back with me with comments, some just kept quiet. I don't know if it is appropriate to send cards like this or not.
When DT (a Malaysian colleague of mine, who is employed by the Kansas office) got to know the cards (before I sent it out), he became sacarstic and thought I have taken too much attention from others.
I thought of many ways to show my gratitute since summer 2010, from making souviniers to sending thank you emails, it turns out this is the way that suits me well. Words that sounds cliche to say it, turn out alright when written in a card.
I thought hard about DT's words, and decided to ignore it. That is because, being the first person sent from overseas to the headquarters for long term assignment, I already grabbed a lot of attention from others, whether I like it or not.
So I guess I shouldn't worry about the side effects, because no matter what it is, there is always a good and bad side.
My last day of work also coincide with the company's annual dinner, which was hosted together with some other companies in Kansas. Most people in the dinner was from our company though.
I felt awkward to go alone, and wasn't feeling well due to the headache that comes from lack of sleep. Nonetheless, I was happy, and had some fun. I guess I would have had more fun, if the headache wasn't there, because I could then have a clear mind to join the gambling tables.
Some come back with me with comments, some just kept quiet. I don't know if it is appropriate to send cards like this or not.
When DT (a Malaysian colleague of mine, who is employed by the Kansas office) got to know the cards (before I sent it out), he became sacarstic and thought I have taken too much attention from others.
I thought of many ways to show my gratitute since summer 2010, from making souviniers to sending thank you emails, it turns out this is the way that suits me well. Words that sounds cliche to say it, turn out alright when written in a card.
I thought hard about DT's words, and decided to ignore it. That is because, being the first person sent from overseas to the headquarters for long term assignment, I already grabbed a lot of attention from others, whether I like it or not.
So I guess I shouldn't worry about the side effects, because no matter what it is, there is always a good and bad side.
My last day of work also coincide with the company's annual dinner, which was hosted together with some other companies in Kansas. Most people in the dinner was from our company though.
I felt awkward to go alone, and wasn't feeling well due to the headache that comes from lack of sleep. Nonetheless, I was happy, and had some fun. I guess I would have had more fun, if the headache wasn't there, because I could then have a clear mind to join the gambling tables.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sold my car
Just sold my car, cancelled my insurance policy and now ploughing through some pre-departure paperwork with a very sad mood.
I feel sad not only because I lost a huge chunk of money selling the car, but also because it symbolises that I am going home for sure, real soon.
The Corolla though wasn't new, but accompanied me without much complaints. I have a lot of first time memories of that car -- interacted with junky car sales man, venturing to unknown places, made a wrong turn to opposite traffic, driving in snow, etc.
I scraped the Corolla every morning, and took real good care of it. I remember every scratch on the car, every sound of the car. I know I will forget one day, but I can't help to feel sad.
For the remaining days in Kansas, I am having this Ford Taurus. Huge and stink of sugary drink spill.
I feel sad not only because I lost a huge chunk of money selling the car, but also because it symbolises that I am going home for sure, real soon.
The Corolla though wasn't new, but accompanied me without much complaints. I have a lot of first time memories of that car -- interacted with junky car sales man, venturing to unknown places, made a wrong turn to opposite traffic, driving in snow, etc.
I scraped the Corolla every morning, and took real good care of it. I remember every scratch on the car, every sound of the car. I know I will forget one day, but I can't help to feel sad.
For the remaining days in Kansas, I am having this Ford Taurus. Huge and stink of sugary drink spill.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
First time driving in snow
It started snowing since Saturday night, through Sunday until now. Nonstop.
I drove the first time in snow on Sunday. It was a short distance, the snow wasn't thick, my car skid a little when I made a 90 degree turn, but was managable.
It got worse this morning, when I need to drive about 15km to go to the mechanic's shop to have my engine oil change. It took me more than 1 hour to get there.
My car skid a few times, because I didn't know how fast I should drive. The brake hardly works when it gets about 40mph. I had to quickly switch lane so that I don't bump into the car in front of me. Also, when big truck drove pass me, I could feel that my car skid a little.
Things that I took for granted in Malaysia got to me now. Windshield wiper, I never thought they could stick onto the screen so tight.
Water on the windshield could freeze in seconds that it actually scratched my wiper rubber.
Air conditioning becomes so valuable at this time, because it helps the back of my car to stay clear. (I don't have a wiper at the back)
Can't see the road, can't see divider, can't stop properly, can't drive straight well enough. The pond behind the office was frozen since November and it is now covered with snow. I wonder if anyone would think it is a flat land.
The snow was about 4 inches thick this afternoon, I think it will get thicker tomorrow. Worse thing is, since the ice on the car melted halfway when I drove it, it is going to get harder when it re-freeze tonight. I am starting to think if I should walk to work tomorrow.
May be I have gotten used to the temperature here, I don't feel that cold. I never experienced less than -3degC before, and I was outside when it was -11C these few days... I guess without wind-chill effect, things become more bearable.
I drove the first time in snow on Sunday. It was a short distance, the snow wasn't thick, my car skid a little when I made a 90 degree turn, but was managable.
It got worse this morning, when I need to drive about 15km to go to the mechanic's shop to have my engine oil change. It took me more than 1 hour to get there.
My car skid a few times, because I didn't know how fast I should drive. The brake hardly works when it gets about 40mph. I had to quickly switch lane so that I don't bump into the car in front of me. Also, when big truck drove pass me, I could feel that my car skid a little.
Things that I took for granted in Malaysia got to me now. Windshield wiper, I never thought they could stick onto the screen so tight.
Water on the windshield could freeze in seconds that it actually scratched my wiper rubber.
Air conditioning becomes so valuable at this time, because it helps the back of my car to stay clear. (I don't have a wiper at the back)
Can't see the road, can't see divider, can't stop properly, can't drive straight well enough. The pond behind the office was frozen since November and it is now covered with snow. I wonder if anyone would think it is a flat land.
The snow was about 4 inches thick this afternoon, I think it will get thicker tomorrow. Worse thing is, since the ice on the car melted halfway when I drove it, it is going to get harder when it re-freeze tonight. I am starting to think if I should walk to work tomorrow.
May be I have gotten used to the temperature here, I don't feel that cold. I never experienced less than -3degC before, and I was outside when it was -11C these few days... I guess without wind-chill effect, things become more bearable.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Crazy Couple
OK, I thought it was my colleague's gf that was crazy enough to send me the nonsense email. I obviously forgotten that it takes two hands to clap.
I created a pdf copy of that crazy woman's email, and send it to my colleague, hoping he would take over from there. Then I got this from him:
Hi,
I think there has been a misunderstanding between all of us. I think this general confusion was initially created by our trip to the Rockies. I was in a relationship, I still am, and I just would like to clarify this.
Have a good start into 2011.
D
I was unhappy about his sly reply, which makes me look bad. I wrote this to both of them:
D and T,
D, the reason I forwarded your partner's email to you instead of replying to her, is because I don't think I have anything to do between you two.
The clarification below is devious. I know you are in relationship since the first day of knowing you. I don't think there is any misunderstanding between us.
I always treat you as a colleague, and was grateful for your help. It is strictly professional, which I don't think there is anything to explain about.
To T, it is rude and disrespectful to initiate such allegation. If you were sincere in your relationship, you should have confronted your partner and have confidence in yourself, instead of sending harassment email to your partner's colleague.
You have also put a bad image to yourself by disrespecting your partner's privacy, and insulting his colleague.
I do not want to be involved in any discussion between the two of you, and certainly do not want to be disturbed again by receiving anything senseless in the future.
I dare not hope for an apology, and I kinda feel that there would be some continuation from this, because I am dealing with two lunatics now.
Though I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I am getting a little panaroid now with my interactions among other colleagues.
I created a pdf copy of that crazy woman's email, and send it to my colleague, hoping he would take over from there. Then I got this from him:
Hi,
I think there has been a misunderstanding between all of us. I think this general confusion was initially created by our trip to the Rockies. I was in a relationship, I still am, and I just would like to clarify this.
Have a good start into 2011.
D
I was unhappy about his sly reply, which makes me look bad. I wrote this to both of them:
D and T,
D, the reason I forwarded your partner's email to you instead of replying to her, is because I don't think I have anything to do between you two.
The clarification below is devious. I know you are in relationship since the first day of knowing you. I don't think there is any misunderstanding between us.
I always treat you as a colleague, and was grateful for your help. It is strictly professional, which I don't think there is anything to explain about.
To T, it is rude and disrespectful to initiate such allegation. If you were sincere in your relationship, you should have confronted your partner and have confidence in yourself, instead of sending harassment email to your partner's colleague.
You have also put a bad image to yourself by disrespecting your partner's privacy, and insulting his colleague.
I do not want to be involved in any discussion between the two of you, and certainly do not want to be disturbed again by receiving anything senseless in the future.
I dare not hope for an apology, and I kinda feel that there would be some continuation from this, because I am dealing with two lunatics now.
Though I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I am getting a little panaroid now with my interactions among other colleagues.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Crazy women
When I first came to Kansas, I met a great colleague from Germany. He gave me some help in adjusting to the life here. Though it was minal stuff for him, I am very grateful for his help, and we became friends since then. We kept in touch after he left Kansas, on work and off work, occassionally.
I sent him a few lines before Christmas, wished him happy birthday and merry Christmas. And this is what I got on the second day of the new year (I deleted the names mentioned in the email) :
Hello,
I am D´s girlfriend from Germany. We are more than four years together. Now I see that you communicate via mail with him. I have visited him in March/ April in Kansas. We were together in Chicago. During my Kansas visit, I met many of his colleagues and friends, but dont heard your Name before, I cann´t remember. So who are you, what are your intentions? Please explain me where and when you met him,
I hope for your honest answer
Happy new Year and
Best Regards
T
I pity this colleague. His gf apparently was checking his personal emails, I hope she is not controlling his life.
I think she should learn to respect her bf and his friends, have some faith in herself and her relationship, and learn to be more matured -- just because her bf are friends with other females, doesn't mean that there is something going on.
It can also proof that she is all about herself, because if she really loves him, she should have known that harassing his colleague risks jeopardising his career and reputation.
I originally wanted to reply to her email, but experiences told me that would only create more nonsense, so I decided to ignore it. There is nothing going on between us, which I felt that there is really nothing I need to explain, especially to a stranger that wrote a rude email to me.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time I met this kind of women, but she is the first one that puts things in black and white. In fact, I met women like this when I was studying:
Some of my guy friends' gfs got so worked up, they started brain washing my friends, and eventually I lost these guy friends. Some called to question me for spending time with their bfs after school. I can't even attend one of my friend's wedding due to his bride. I'm warning you girls who want to study mechanical engineering, this is one of the many shits you would get.
In fact these things occurred to me even when I was in high school. I knew this guy through inter-school activities and his sister was my junior. He used to picked his sister up after school and hung out in our club room while waiting. We shared some common views and chit chat a lot.
Unfortunately, I was stalked and bad mouthed by the girls from his school. One of them threatened me not to get close to him. I questioned him for the malicious rumours spread in his school about me, because I thought it was him that initiated it, otherwise who else would know me from his school? He didn't react, so I guess technically we didn't quarrel, but he looked very disappointed. I avoided him out of anger, distrust and fear from those girls. I eventually lost contact with him. A few years later, I heard from someone that he passed away due to leukemia. I regretted for not trusting and not having confidence in the friendship, and listened to those strangers' words.
I was naive by answering to these hostile confrontations honestly when I was young, but I won't acknowledge these nonsense anymore. Because there is nothing anyone could do to instill trusts between a couple.
To those guys that avoided me because of these women, you have no balls. To the girls that does these nonsense, you are mental.
I sent him a few lines before Christmas, wished him happy birthday and merry Christmas. And this is what I got on the second day of the new year (I deleted the names mentioned in the email) :
Hello,
I am D´s girlfriend from Germany. We are more than four years together. Now I see that you communicate via mail with him. I have visited him in March/ April in Kansas. We were together in Chicago. During my Kansas visit, I met many of his colleagues and friends, but dont heard your Name before, I cann´t remember. So who are you, what are your intentions? Please explain me where and when you met him,
I hope for your honest answer
Happy new Year and
Best Regards
T
I pity this colleague. His gf apparently was checking his personal emails, I hope she is not controlling his life.
I think she should learn to respect her bf and his friends, have some faith in herself and her relationship, and learn to be more matured -- just because her bf are friends with other females, doesn't mean that there is something going on.
It can also proof that she is all about herself, because if she really loves him, she should have known that harassing his colleague risks jeopardising his career and reputation.
I originally wanted to reply to her email, but experiences told me that would only create more nonsense, so I decided to ignore it. There is nothing going on between us, which I felt that there is really nothing I need to explain, especially to a stranger that wrote a rude email to me.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time I met this kind of women, but she is the first one that puts things in black and white. In fact, I met women like this when I was studying:
Some of my guy friends' gfs got so worked up, they started brain washing my friends, and eventually I lost these guy friends. Some called to question me for spending time with their bfs after school. I can't even attend one of my friend's wedding due to his bride. I'm warning you girls who want to study mechanical engineering, this is one of the many shits you would get.
In fact these things occurred to me even when I was in high school. I knew this guy through inter-school activities and his sister was my junior. He used to picked his sister up after school and hung out in our club room while waiting. We shared some common views and chit chat a lot.
Unfortunately, I was stalked and bad mouthed by the girls from his school. One of them threatened me not to get close to him. I questioned him for the malicious rumours spread in his school about me, because I thought it was him that initiated it, otherwise who else would know me from his school? He didn't react, so I guess technically we didn't quarrel, but he looked very disappointed. I avoided him out of anger, distrust and fear from those girls. I eventually lost contact with him. A few years later, I heard from someone that he passed away due to leukemia. I regretted for not trusting and not having confidence in the friendship, and listened to those strangers' words.
I was naive by answering to these hostile confrontations honestly when I was young, but I won't acknowledge these nonsense anymore. Because there is nothing anyone could do to instill trusts between a couple.
To those guys that avoided me because of these women, you have no balls. To the girls that does these nonsense, you are mental.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year 2011
Spent the last day of 2010 having lunch with a colleague at her place, and had sushi for dinner with some other friends, before we headed to the wine bar for count down.
The sushi was the best I have tasted so far, not to mention the price is reasonable too. I guess knowing the chef does make some difference, our dishes were never from the menu.
I left the wine bar feeling rather tipsy after drinking for two hours. Headed home and went straight to bed, exactly at 12am, 1st Jan 2011. Woke up early today, feeling fresh, watching the first sun rise of the year, while typing up my new year resolutions.
Looking back at my last year's goal, I guess I got pretty close.
The goals that I set for 2010 required constant effort throughout the life, I have started the momentum in 2010, so I will keep them going.
Therefore I am still going to improve my inter-personal skills, continue playing violin, trying to draw more, voice out my honest opinions more, continue to stay in touch with my friends and family, continue to work on creative thinking, keeping the pace with money saving and continue to love myself more.
For this year, I am thinking of some goals that are more attainable...
1. Complete my Engineering Chartership.
2. Work towards a promotion or pay increment.
3. Steer my career direction towards project management, in order to gain some exposure in project finance control.
4. Hold my values close to my heart when facing office bullies.
5. Learn to relax.
6. Find a venue that is safe for me to exercise at least 2 times a week.
7. Find a wedding dress.
8. Giving myself a small reward once a month, for the hard work I have done.
The sushi was the best I have tasted so far, not to mention the price is reasonable too. I guess knowing the chef does make some difference, our dishes were never from the menu.
I left the wine bar feeling rather tipsy after drinking for two hours. Headed home and went straight to bed, exactly at 12am, 1st Jan 2011. Woke up early today, feeling fresh, watching the first sun rise of the year, while typing up my new year resolutions.
Looking back at my last year's goal, I guess I got pretty close.
The goals that I set for 2010 required constant effort throughout the life, I have started the momentum in 2010, so I will keep them going.
Therefore I am still going to improve my inter-personal skills, continue playing violin, trying to draw more, voice out my honest opinions more, continue to stay in touch with my friends and family, continue to work on creative thinking, keeping the pace with money saving and continue to love myself more.
For this year, I am thinking of some goals that are more attainable...
1. Complete my Engineering Chartership.
2. Work towards a promotion or pay increment.
3. Steer my career direction towards project management, in order to gain some exposure in project finance control.
4. Hold my values close to my heart when facing office bullies.
5. Learn to relax.
6. Find a venue that is safe for me to exercise at least 2 times a week.
7. Find a wedding dress.
8. Giving myself a small reward once a month, for the hard work I have done.
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