Women In Engineering

I have had a thought of gathering all my female friends, who are involved in science, engineering and technology to share some experience of their professional working life. But I have been too busy with my own life, that I couldn't manage the circle after setting it up on the facebook. My friend passed me a link of project management, just before I went for a project meeting this afternoon. I was feeling very down since receiving the notice yesterday regarding this meeting. I know nothing about this project, and yet I was told that I need to take this opportunity to clarify our supply scope with these gang of contractors. I knew I will be screwed by many people.

So anyway, when I read about the link that my friend gave, it seems like a very cinematic plot for project management. It seems like another world of project management to me. The project management that I have seen after joining in for about two weeks, is chaotic, fire-fighting everyday, dealing with all kind of people, more importantly -- various skill levels of pushing the responsibilities away.

I have to face many situations within a day, but I do not know how to act upon them. I am either too rough or too soft. What the link have mentioned is very true -- female needs a role model more than male. Then I started thinking if there is any female that I would want to follow, who are involved in technical field and carrying themselves well.

I find none.

I have been constantly pushed down by people around me, saying that I can't do well in engineering. Some said that I am too soft to excel in project management, other said that I will not survive long in engineering. I even heard of people telling me that the reason they gave me all these negative things, is because they want to support me from another angle -- worst encouragement of all I tell you.

One thing I learned so far, you must not cry when you are facing difficulties, no matter how depressing it is, no matter how unfair it is, you must not cry. Because, guys can take it two ways -- some will take you as a weak person, that they want to protect you. In this case, you will never get to learn anything from this person anymore. Others will take you as weak person too, but they will take you as someone that they do not want to be associated with, because you are not macho enough. In this case, you will get trouble working with them.

Another thing I learned, you must not show fear. Men are macho animals, they don't like to show their softer side to others. Once you are with them, and you show your fear, it is as if you are hidden among a pack of wolves, and suddenly the wolves realised that you are the prey.
Working in a male dominant environment often made me feel that I am neither male nor female, I am upset not because of the work, not really because of the idiots I am forced to deal with, but because I do not know how to carry myself appropriately.

Shall I scold vulgar languages while trying to get those silly mistakes sorted from the construction site?
Shall I act detached when all the contractors are squeezing themselves to look at the laptop screen for information?
At what volume shall I speak so that others will listen to me, and will not take it as if I am mad?
Shall I push my head across the whole bunch of tall shoulders to see the drawings on the meeting table?
Shall I lean across the meeting table, like what the other guys are doing, to point at the drawing details while explaining it? (In this case, I am not worried about the breasts, but the trouser. Cause female trousers, that I can afford to buy, are usually low-rise; and the female shirts are damn short, you can't tuck in!)

It should be easy as there are no role models for me, so I have all the freedom to create a model for myself. However, the social norms are there, it is hard to break through it.